1
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:06,970
VTR 107002, Bless This House, Episode 8,
Part 1, Take 1.

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Hard luck.

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You have two pieces.

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I'm feeding my face.

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Well, I hope you get fat.

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Carmen.

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Hurry up, you two.

8
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You know I'm going to visit your
grandma. I want everything cleared away

9
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:24,839
I go.

10
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,010
Is it all right if I let my coffee cool
down?

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Or would you like me to pour it in the
saucer and blow on it?

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I'll pour it over your head if you don't
watch it.

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Ali, what's the matter?

14
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Are these yours?

15
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Well, they're not mine.

16
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What's the matter with you?

17
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Trespassing. will be prosecuted.

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They're fun pants.

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Fun for who?

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If you think mine are bad, you'll want
to see what some people have written on

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them. It's not the words I'm worried
about. It's who reads them.

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Well, half the boys I know can't read at
all.

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Hey,

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are you going out tonight?

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Yeah, we're going to a party.

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Wash up for me before you go, will you?
I think I'll go and get ready.

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You can wipe.

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Thanks a lot.

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Hey, you haven't finished your dinner.

30
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Well, I did have a second helping.

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There wasn't a second helping.

32
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Well, what was all that food on the
plate in the oven?

33
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Your father's dinner.

34
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I thought he was working late. He is,
but he does like to eat when he comes

35
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home. Are you sure he's working late?

36
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Of course I am.

37
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That's funny.

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I thought we saw him getting on a bus in
Market Street on the way home.

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It was definitely Daddy.

40
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Are you sure?

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Yeah, sort of dried up prune wearing a
wire brush.

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Sorry.

43
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Well, it couldn't have been him because
he's working late.

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Life is easy. You make him whoopee.

45
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Now, what does that mean?

46
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Nothing. Sally, I trust your father, and
if he says he's working late, then he's

47
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working late.

48
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Where are you going?

49
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Around the office.

50
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Just to make sure he is working late.

51
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Marshal's office supplies.

52
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Abbott speaking.

53
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Oh, good. You are working late.

54
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This is going to get us nowhere. I told
you that this morning.

55
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Yes, I know you did.

56
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What are you ringing me up for?

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Oh, well, it's about your dinner.

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My dinner? What about it?

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There isn't any.

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Mike's eaten it.

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That's no surprise.

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And you rang me up just to tell me that.

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Well, there is something, Al.

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The kids are going to a party and I'm
going to see my mother.

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So when you get home, we'll all be out.

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I see.

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So Mike's at my dinner and there'll be
nobody at home when I get there.

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Oh, that's lovely.

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If you've got any more good news, don't
hesitate to phone me again.

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You all right?

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Yes. See you later.

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Hang on. Wait a minute. Here's the kiss.

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Here's yours.

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Here's your letter, Sid.

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Thank you.

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Anything else you'd like me to take
down?

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You could get yourself into shocking
trouble, same thing.

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That's no good. You'll have to do that
again.

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Why? What's wrong with it?

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What's wrong with it?

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Thanking you again for your esteemed
order and hoping you manage to get fully

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stuffed before the holidays.

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That doesn't sound right. No, it's not.
The word I dictated was stuffed.

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Sorry. I'll do it again. Thank you.

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I'm off now, Sid.

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No, no.

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Try and keep your wicked hands off
Sandra.

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Do me a favour. I'm a happily married
man.

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She eats happily married men. Does she?

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Straight up.

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She fancies you, that's it. You know
why.

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You think so?

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Definitely.

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Well, if you got it, you got it, haven't
you? And you definitely got it.

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I was Watford.

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Watford? Yeah, you walked straight past
me in the high street and was with

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Watford yesterday.

98
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No, mate. I wasn't in Watford yesterday.

99
00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:02,170
Who was she?

100
00:05:02,420 --> 00:05:03,470
Who was who?

101
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:04,550
Dolly Bird.

102
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With you on the high street.

103
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I keep telling you I wasn't in Watford
yesterday.

104
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Oh, no, no. Of course you weren't.

105
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Say no more.

106
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Then how you doing?

107
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Silly old twit. He's round the bend.

108
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Here's the letter, sis.

109
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Thank you, darling. Right, you might as
well go off now. There's nothing else.

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I'll just put my face on.

111
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I'm hoping you manage to get fully
stiffed.

112
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Oh, well, it's near enough, I suppose.

113
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Aren't you going home yet?

114
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No, I'm not nearly, Harry. There's
nobody at home and there's nothing to

115
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What a shame.

116
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Yep, looks like the Chinese take away
again.

117
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They do a nice grill at the mitre. Do
they?

118
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We could go together.

119
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Together?

120
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The two of us?

121
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That's right.

122
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Just you and me?

123
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Yeah.

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Sid?

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Sidney?

126
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No, Sidney, no.

127
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Remember, you're a married man.

128
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Oh, shut up. You heard what Charlie
said. He fancies me.

129
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You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

130
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I haven't done anything yet.

131
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No, but you're thinking about it.

132
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Of course I'm thinking about it. Look at
those legs.

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Cool.

134
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Haven't you seen a pair of legs before?

135
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Not like that, Mush.

136
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Sidney. Belt up.

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Go on, Sid. Fill your boots. Enjoy
yourself.

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You know it's wrong, Sidney.

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And because you're a man of honour and
integrity, that's true, I know you'll

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reach the right decision.

141
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Well, Sid, what are we doing?

142
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Give me time to go home and change.

143
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Let's take a bottle each, Sal.

144
00:06:56,970 --> 00:06:59,260
Roger might have told us it was a bottle
party.

145
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Come on, we'll tell Dad. Otherwise he'll
think we're a couple of alcoholics. Is

146
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he in?

147
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:05,109
Yeah, he must be. His car's in the
drive.

148
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Dad!

149
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Dad! Who's that?

150
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And Spidey and Clyde. Throw your money
down a wheel. Wreck the joint.

151
00:07:11,870 --> 00:07:15,240
I thought you two had gone out. We did,
but we came back. Can we see you?

152
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What for?

153
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We want to speak to you.

154
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Well, go on, speak.

155
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We will if you come downstairs.

156
00:07:21,270 --> 00:07:22,410
Well, can't you shout?

157
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Why don't you want to come down?

158
00:07:24,731 --> 00:07:27,829
Are you trying to hide something from us
there? Certainly not.

159
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We'll come downstairs.

160
00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:30,700
No, I'm busy.

161
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If you don't come down, we'll come up.
All right, I'm coming.

162
00:07:39,970 --> 00:07:41,710
No. Yes, I have a little one.

163
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Daddy?

164
00:07:45,030 --> 00:07:46,080
Yes, what?

165
00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:53,549
What are you laughing at? Well, it's a

166
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freak out.

167
00:07:54,990 --> 00:07:56,040
What freak out?

168
00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:57,449
Don't tell me.

169
00:07:57,450 --> 00:08:00,189
Someone's given you a ticket for Top of
the Pops. Oh, very funny.

170
00:08:00,190 --> 00:08:01,469
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

171
00:08:01,470 --> 00:08:03,030
That's my shirt you're wearing.

172
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I didn't notice when I put it on. I
suppose you didn't notice my scarf

173
00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:08,500
Scarf?

174
00:08:09,610 --> 00:08:12,320
Yeah, well, it must have got tangled up
with his shirt.

175
00:08:12,321 --> 00:08:15,529
What's the matter with you, Daddy?
Nothing's the matter with me. Stop

176
00:08:15,530 --> 00:08:16,580
me about.

177
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:25,950
Daddy, you've been using my hair
lacquer. Yeah, well, my hair kept

178
00:08:25,951 --> 00:08:27,489
Well, now it's sticking down.

179
00:08:27,490 --> 00:08:31,069
Where are you going dressed like that,
Dad? Nowhere. I don't blame you. You

180
00:08:31,070 --> 00:08:32,870
like part of the oldest teenybopper.

181
00:08:32,871 --> 00:08:36,969
You're always at me for not being with
it. Right, now I'm with it.

182
00:08:36,970 --> 00:08:39,980
Terrific. Only don't ever come out with
us looking like that.

183
00:08:39,981 --> 00:08:42,009
What are you doing with those?

184
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:45,090
Coming to a party. They're our entrance
fee. Take them. Goodbye.

185
00:08:45,470 --> 00:08:47,250
See you later, soul brother.

186
00:08:48,270 --> 00:08:49,470
I'll stop you.

187
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:53,070
Daddy, would you like to borrow my
chunky earrings?

188
00:08:53,510 --> 00:08:54,970
Yeah, of course.

189
00:08:56,590 --> 00:08:57,640
Sidney?

190
00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:00,670
What did I tell you, Sidney?

191
00:09:00,950 --> 00:09:02,090
Oh, God, it's you again.

192
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:05,430
Be sure your sins will find you out.

193
00:09:05,830 --> 00:09:06,880
You're right.

194
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,200
You're dead right, mate.

195
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:14,750
My, sir.

196
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:16,490
My, sir.

197
00:09:16,780 --> 00:09:17,830
Here.

198
00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:21,510
You remember, mate, you're a happily
married man.

199
00:09:21,511 --> 00:09:24,279
And just remember, if you want to stay
that way, remember what your father told

200
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:26,040
you. Never have a bit on the side.

201
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:28,980
And if you do, don't get caught.

202
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:33,150
I know you are nearly caught and you
haven't done a bloody thing.

203
00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:34,820
You'll be a good boy, Sid.

204
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,880
The Mater Hotel cocktail bar.

205
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:39,279
Oh, good evening.

206
00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,230
This is Sidney Abbott speaking. I'd like
to leave a message.

207
00:09:42,231 --> 00:09:43,199
Sidney Abbott?

208
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,340
What does he look like?

209
00:09:44,440 --> 00:09:48,299
No, no, no. It's me speaking, mate. I am
Sidney Abbott. Oh, you're Sidney

210
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:49,440
Abbott. I just said that.

211
00:09:49,680 --> 00:09:51,180
Yes, sir. It was me you said it to.

212
00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,480
Is there a Miss Sandra Evans there?

213
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,010
Sandra Evans?

214
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,600
What does she look like?

215
00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:00,320
If she was there, mate, you'd know.

216
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,570
She's a blonde.

217
00:10:01,571 --> 00:10:07,039
Well, do me a favour. If she comes in,
will you please tell her Sidney Abbott

218
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,079
phoned up and tell her I can't make it
tonight?

219
00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,859
If she comes in, I'll have to tell her
you can't make it tonight.

220
00:10:11,860 --> 00:10:12,459
That's right.

221
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:13,879
What did you say your name was?

222
00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:14,930
Oh, God.

223
00:10:15,140 --> 00:10:17,540
Who? Oh, now, now, forget it. Forget it.

224
00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:22,330
Here you are.

225
00:10:22,540 --> 00:10:23,620
Give me a light, Scott.

226
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:24,690
Right.

227
00:10:27,180 --> 00:10:30,260
Twenty -two, please, Bob.

228
00:10:30,760 --> 00:10:32,140
Are you George? Yes, please.

229
00:10:32,860 --> 00:10:33,910
Hello, Sid.

230
00:10:33,911 --> 00:10:35,669
You can have a quick one, then.

231
00:10:35,670 --> 00:10:37,849
What? You're a bit off your territory,
aren't you, Sid?

232
00:10:37,850 --> 00:10:41,290
No, mate, you're making a bloomer.
Health. Come on, Sid.

233
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:43,290
Health. Health Carter.

234
00:10:43,291 --> 00:10:45,129
Straight up?

235
00:10:45,130 --> 00:10:46,180
Straight up.

236
00:10:46,181 --> 00:10:47,789
That's incredible. You're his double.

237
00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:48,509
Who's double?

238
00:10:48,510 --> 00:10:49,560
Sid. Sid Abbott.

239
00:10:49,910 --> 00:10:50,960
It's a fitting image.

240
00:10:51,550 --> 00:10:54,570
You sure you're not Sid? I should know
who I am, mate.

241
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:57,089
Yeah, were you in Watford yesterday?

242
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,370
I was. With Dolly?

243
00:10:58,630 --> 00:10:59,680
Naturally.

244
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:01,840
That's uncanny.

245
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:04,400
Hey, hey, hey, just a minute.

246
00:11:05,940 --> 00:11:07,320
Give me the soda water, mate.

247
00:11:08,880 --> 00:11:11,319
I'm beating up... Guess

248
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:18,040
who? Give me a clue.

249
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,220
42 -22 -38.

250
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,600
Sorry I'm late, Sid.

251
00:11:26,601 --> 00:11:27,619
Not another one.

252
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:31,320
It took me ages to do my hair. I wanted
to look especially...

253
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:36,079
for you tonight. I said to myself,
Sandra, you are a naughty girl going out

254
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:39,630
a married man, but look nice and you
won't mind if you're a minute or two

255
00:11:40,201 --> 00:11:42,479
Oh, you won't, will you?

256
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,860
Do you know, Sid, I've always fancied
you.

257
00:11:44,861 --> 00:11:46,139
Have you?

258
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:48,820
No. But I never thought you'd ask me
out.

259
00:11:48,821 --> 00:11:50,899
Well, now that I have, why don't we get
swinging?

260
00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:56,220
You are different away from the office.
You'd be amazed how different I can be,

261
00:11:56,221 --> 00:11:57,479
sweetheart. Would you like a drink?

262
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:58,620
Port and lemon, please.

263
00:12:01,530 --> 00:12:03,710
Excuse me, are you Miss Sandra Evans?

264
00:12:03,711 --> 00:12:06,989
Yes. Well, I've got a message for you
from the Miss... It's all right, mate.

265
00:12:06,990 --> 00:12:08,130
I'll deliver it myself.

266
00:12:43,189 --> 00:12:44,250
All right, coming.

267
00:12:47,590 --> 00:12:48,640
Ready for me?

268
00:12:48,641 --> 00:12:49,589
Not really.

269
00:12:49,590 --> 00:12:51,010
Just a postcard from Bessie.

270
00:12:51,011 --> 00:12:53,289
What time did you get in last night?

271
00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:54,430
About half past eleven.

272
00:12:54,670 --> 00:12:58,280
Surprised to see you in bed. Yeah, well,
I had an early night. I was worn out.

273
00:12:58,281 --> 00:13:02,349
I don't want you to be late for work. I
won't be late. It's all right, because I

274
00:13:02,350 --> 00:13:04,460
won't be there. I'm not going to work
today.

275
00:13:07,710 --> 00:13:08,760
1829.

276
00:13:14,930 --> 00:13:16,470
It's me, boo -boo.

277
00:13:16,471 --> 00:13:18,469
Boo -boo?

278
00:13:18,470 --> 00:13:19,850
It's me, darling, Sandra.

279
00:13:19,851 --> 00:13:21,449
Oh, hello, Sandra.

280
00:13:21,450 --> 00:13:22,409
Everything all right?

281
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:24,910
Well, what about you last night?

282
00:13:24,911 --> 00:13:28,649
Oh, yes, I'm sorry about that. I hope
you weren't too disappointed.

283
00:13:28,650 --> 00:13:33,750
Disappointed? You must be joking. You
were absolutely fantastic, Tiger.

284
00:13:34,130 --> 00:13:36,210
I haven't had a night like it in years.

285
00:13:37,530 --> 00:13:39,490
Hang on. Hang on just a minute.

286
00:13:47,211 --> 00:13:53,839
about. I'm not with you. I'm not
surprised the amount of stuff you drank

287
00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:55,140
night. Listen.

288
00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:58,060
Strangers in the night.

289
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:02,600
What's that supposed to mean?

290
00:14:21,521 --> 00:14:27,649
Look, we've got to have a talk about
this. I'm coming to the office right

291
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:29,310
I'll be waiting, Tiger.

292
00:14:29,630 --> 00:14:32,520
Oh, and while I think of it, would you
bring me back my bra?

293
00:14:35,561 --> 00:14:40,449
I, uh, just remembered I've got to go to
the office.

294
00:14:40,450 --> 00:14:43,309
Have you? Yes, I'm in. Very important
scrap tap. I'll see you tonight.

295
00:14:43,310 --> 00:14:44,670
I wouldn't bet on it.

296
00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:58,370
He was making whoopee. Oh, Mummy, are
you sure?

297
00:14:58,930 --> 00:15:00,550
I just heard him on the telephone.

298
00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,750
He was with her last night, the girl
from the office.

299
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,040
What, sexy Sandra?

300
00:15:05,490 --> 00:15:07,170
Yes. Poor Mummy.

301
00:15:07,490 --> 00:15:08,930
Will he be getting a divorce?

302
00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,040
What for?

303
00:15:10,130 --> 00:15:13,680
Well, Daddy is being unfaithful. So
what? This is a permissive society.

304
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:16,100
All he was doing was obeying a natural
order.

305
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,900
the office. Now, Sandra, sit down.

306
00:15:38,140 --> 00:15:39,320
Yes. Right.

307
00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:42,160
Now. Anything you say, Sid.

308
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:44,830
Sit down.

309
00:15:45,580 --> 00:15:47,800
Now, Sandra, about last night.

310
00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:49,620
What about last night?

311
00:15:50,020 --> 00:15:51,740
Charlie said you were past it.

312
00:15:51,741 --> 00:15:55,559
Just a minute. I don't care who you were
with or what you did with him. It

313
00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:56,539
wasn't me.

314
00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:58,840
Of course it was you. We met at the
mitre.

315
00:15:58,841 --> 00:16:02,319
It wasn't me. I tell you, I didn't go
out last night. I stayed at home.

316
00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:03,370
Oh, I see.

317
00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:05,000
It's like that, is it? Like what?

318
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:07,400
Anything to you?

319
00:16:40,371 --> 00:16:45,299
Wait until Dad comes home and hear what
he has to say.

320
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:48,070
I heard what he had to say this morning
on the telephone.

321
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,400
Well, I'm sure there's an explanation.

322
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,280
Yes, there's an explanation.

323
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:54,010
Sexy Sandra.

324
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:56,280
You can't just leave. What about us?

325
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,540
Yes, who's going to have custody of us?

326
00:16:58,840 --> 00:17:02,630
Oh, the wife always gets custody. Of
course, Dad will get reasonable access.

327
00:17:10,641 --> 00:17:14,509
Nice to see everybody waiting to greet
me.

328
00:17:14,510 --> 00:17:15,560
Hello, darling.

329
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:18,919
Hello, Sal.

330
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:20,260
Homebreaker.

331
00:17:21,101 --> 00:17:23,049
Hi, Mike.

332
00:17:23,050 --> 00:17:24,049
Reasonable access.

333
00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:25,670
I'm afraid that's all you'll get.

334
00:17:26,490 --> 00:17:29,489
What's the matter with the kids?

335
00:17:29,490 --> 00:17:32,380
If you have anything to say to me, you
can write me a letter.

336
00:17:32,450 --> 00:17:33,690
I shall be with my mother.

337
00:17:34,710 --> 00:17:36,450
Something's upset you, hasn't it?

338
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,550
Was it their anniversary today?

339
00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,890
Don't play the innocent with me, Sidney
Abbott. I know all about you.

340
00:17:44,380 --> 00:17:45,460
Stranger in the night.

341
00:17:47,580 --> 00:17:48,630
Yes. Oh.

342
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,450
How?

343
00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:52,340
Uh, as you find out.

344
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:54,530
Wives have ears.

345
00:17:54,860 --> 00:17:57,450
Especially when they're listening on
extensions.

346
00:17:57,480 --> 00:17:58,530
I've been bugged.

347
00:17:59,460 --> 00:18:04,299
How could you? I didn't. Liar. I am not
a liar. I'm telling you, I was in bed

348
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:05,620
last night by nine o 'clock.

349
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,140
I can well believe it.

350
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,100
I don't mean that. What I mean...

351
00:18:10,380 --> 00:18:11,760
You didn't leave this house.

352
00:18:11,761 --> 00:18:14,899
That's not what the restaurant manager
at the Lantern says.

353
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:19,140
Pardon? I went to see him at lunchtime
and I showed him our wedding photo.

354
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,459
Oh, good.

355
00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:23,880
And he confirmed that you were there
last night with that woman.

356
00:18:24,120 --> 00:18:27,440
I was not there, I'm telling you. Go
blimey, it wasn't me.

357
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:31,480
You never drank champagne out of my
shoes.

358
00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,890
I wouldn't drink champagne out of
anybody's bloody shoes.

359
00:18:35,980 --> 00:18:39,840
I'm telling you, it was a mistake. Yes,
and you made it. Oh, good.

360
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:41,600
I must have a double.

361
00:18:42,140 --> 00:18:43,820
It's no good turning to drink.

362
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,250
Oh, no.

363
00:18:45,251 --> 00:18:48,259
That's not what I mean. What I mean is
there is somebody walking about

364
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:49,310
pretending to be me.

365
00:18:49,311 --> 00:18:51,479
Well, you'll have to do better than
that.

366
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,959
There couldn't possibly be anybody else
walking around looking like you.

367
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,840
Where are you going now? I'm going to
get this sorted out.

368
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:02,919
Well, if I'm still here when you get
back, it's not because I'm not going,

369
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,300
just that I haven't gone yet.

370
00:19:11,210 --> 00:19:12,260
Hello, sweetheart.

371
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:13,610
You've got a nerve.

372
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:17,309
What do you mean? The way you behaved in
the office, pretending you'd never been

373
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:20,440
out with me last night. I never want to
see you again, Sid Abbott.

374
00:19:21,730 --> 00:19:22,780
Come and sit down.

375
00:19:23,010 --> 00:19:24,990
No. Come on, come and sit down.

376
00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:30,210
It's important, Levin. I didn't really
mean it, sweetheart.

377
00:19:30,211 --> 00:19:33,249
I didn't want the others to know. I
didn't want to get you involved, you

378
00:19:33,250 --> 00:19:35,550
You were just saying that. I know,
straight up.

379
00:19:35,551 --> 00:19:37,789
There are some things a fellow just
can't fight, you know.

380
00:19:37,790 --> 00:19:38,809
Oh, Sid.

381
00:19:38,810 --> 00:19:40,470
Yeah, I'd like to make it up to you.

382
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,479
How would you like to go to the lantern
again tonight?

383
00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:43,530
I'd like that.

384
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,690
You would?

385
00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:45,790
Stick around, Kit.

386
00:19:46,180 --> 00:19:47,740
We've got fun up in Bucket Table.

387
00:19:49,880 --> 00:19:54,200
I could have sworn it was him, but it
wasn't. Are you sure?

388
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:55,530
Positive, Gene.

389
00:19:55,580 --> 00:19:57,870
He's the absolute spitting image of your
Sid.

390
00:19:57,940 --> 00:20:01,670
Oh, Sally, isn't that marvellous? He
wasn't deceiving me after all. Super.

391
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:03,620
I knew Dad wasn't having an affair.

392
00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,360
Salandra's too intelligent.

393
00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:06,730
What does that mean?

394
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:10,690
Well, let's face it, Mum, who in their
right minds could fancy Dad?

395
00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:12,070
Thank you.

396
00:20:13,840 --> 00:20:15,020
I can't do it.

397
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,440
Did you manage to get one?

398
00:20:17,441 --> 00:20:18,559
Get one what?

399
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:19,610
A table.

400
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:20,980
What do I want a table for?

401
00:20:20,981 --> 00:20:22,619
You said we were going to eat.

402
00:20:22,620 --> 00:20:23,199
Who did?

403
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:24,250
You did.

404
00:20:24,260 --> 00:20:26,000
When? A minute ago.

405
00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:27,740
But I wasn't here a minute ago.

406
00:20:27,980 --> 00:20:30,820
Are you some sort of nutter? Oh, no, no,
wait a minute.

407
00:20:30,821 --> 00:20:34,719
If I said we were going to eat a minute
ago and I wasn't here a minute ago, then

408
00:20:34,720 --> 00:20:35,599
it must be him.

409
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,660
Who? My double.

410
00:20:36,661 --> 00:20:40,669
What dabble? There is a bloke walking
about pretending to be me.

411
00:20:40,670 --> 00:20:43,729
Oh, I see. You're mucking me about
again, are you? Oh, no, no. Straight up.

412
00:20:43,730 --> 00:20:44,780
wait a minute.

413
00:20:46,070 --> 00:20:47,770
You haven't got the same hat on.

414
00:20:48,730 --> 00:20:49,850
Nor the same tie.

415
00:20:50,510 --> 00:20:51,890
Well, there you are. You see?

416
00:20:52,130 --> 00:20:53,180
It must be him.

417
00:20:53,181 --> 00:20:54,189
Where is he?

418
00:20:54,190 --> 00:20:55,709
He went to phone in the corridor.

419
00:20:55,710 --> 00:20:56,760
Right. Stay there.

420
00:20:56,761 --> 00:20:58,689
That's it.

421
00:20:58,690 --> 00:21:00,710
Table for two and half an hour. Right.

422
00:21:09,341 --> 00:21:15,489
And you're a bloke who's having all the
fun while I'm getting all the blame.

423
00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:18,069
You'd have done the same thing if it'd
been handed to you on a plate.

424
00:21:18,070 --> 00:21:20,030
Yes, but you've come back for afters.

425
00:21:22,130 --> 00:21:24,610
I'm on a human.

426
00:21:26,410 --> 00:21:27,790
Yeah, I suppose that's true.

427
00:21:28,261 --> 00:21:30,289
What's she like?

428
00:21:30,290 --> 00:21:31,340
Who?

429
00:21:31,710 --> 00:21:32,890
Sandra. Fantastic.

430
00:21:33,330 --> 00:21:34,470
You lucky devil.

431
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:38,790
Was your father a plumber called Larry?

432
00:21:39,350 --> 00:21:40,790
Merchant seaman called Fred.

433
00:21:40,791 --> 00:21:44,919
Well, you know what they say about
sailors. They've got one in every port.

434
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,299
For all we know, there could be half a
dozen like us scattered around the

435
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:48,350
Mediterranean.

436
00:21:48,351 --> 00:21:51,779
We've had enough trouble with the two of
us.

437
00:21:51,780 --> 00:21:53,680
I'd like you to get even, Sid. You what?

438
00:21:53,681 --> 00:21:56,479
Well, I've had a good night out with
Sandra.

439
00:21:56,480 --> 00:21:59,499
Well, there's a lovely little dolly I
know in Watford. You can fancy her. And

440
00:21:59,500 --> 00:22:00,999
she'd never know the difference.

441
00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:02,050
No.

442
00:22:02,060 --> 00:22:03,920
No, I couldn't. She's a little cracker.

443
00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:06,310
Is she?

444
00:22:06,460 --> 00:22:07,510
Right.

445
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:11,380
Well, I could say I was working late.

446
00:22:12,129 --> 00:22:13,410
No. No, I won't.

447
00:22:14,130 --> 00:22:15,750
I'm a happily married man, mate.

448
00:22:16,830 --> 00:22:17,910
Is that the wife, sir?

449
00:22:20,390 --> 00:22:21,440
That's it.

450
00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:23,760
I'm very nice, too. You're a lucky
fella.

451
00:22:26,570 --> 00:22:27,620
You know something?

452
00:22:27,621 --> 00:22:29,629
I think you ought to straighten this
out.

453
00:22:29,630 --> 00:22:32,450
How? Come home with me and let my wife
see for herself.

454
00:22:33,090 --> 00:22:34,190
Certainly. Great.

455
00:22:34,510 --> 00:22:36,310
You wait here. I'm going to get Sandra.

456
00:22:39,450 --> 00:22:40,500
Come on. I got it.

457
00:22:41,070 --> 00:22:44,680
Where are we going? We're going around
to my place and sort it out. Come on.

458
00:22:49,870 --> 00:22:50,920
Don't.

459
00:22:51,430 --> 00:22:52,480
Well, that does it.

460
00:22:52,990 --> 00:22:54,370
She'll never believe me now.

461
00:22:54,371 --> 00:22:57,029
Oh, God, I've got to have a bloody
drink.

462
00:22:57,030 --> 00:22:58,029
That's a good idea.

463
00:22:58,030 --> 00:23:00,500
Not you. No, I'll have it on my own.
Goodbye, Sandra.

464
00:23:01,450 --> 00:23:02,500
S -E -X.

465
00:23:02,810 --> 00:23:03,860
Sex.

466
00:23:03,910 --> 00:23:05,710
Don't let Daddy hear you saying that.

467
00:23:07,630 --> 00:23:09,490
You'll be flat on your back in a minute.

468
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:12,570
How do you? I might have had a couple,
but I'm stone cold sober.

469
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:15,620
I had him when he got away.

470
00:23:15,621 --> 00:23:17,239
What are you talking about?

471
00:23:17,240 --> 00:23:18,290
Where's Mummy?

472
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:19,580
How do I know where she is?

473
00:23:19,660 --> 00:23:21,040
Well, you went out together.

474
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:22,520
We did not go out together.

475
00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:26,480
You came back here an hour ago on bended
knee.

476
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:28,360
Promised Mummy a new fur coat.

477
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:30,100
And then went out to celebrate.

478
00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:31,490
Oh, my God.

479
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:37,220
The stranger in the night is struck
again.

480
00:23:45,010 --> 00:23:46,750
There we are, my little sweetheart.

481
00:23:47,110 --> 00:23:51,109
Oh, Sid, I'm sorry. I thought you were
deceiving me. It's all right, darling. I

482
00:23:51,110 --> 00:23:52,850
don't see any man could deceive you.

483
00:23:53,050 --> 00:23:55,400
You know, somehow you seem different
tonight.

484
00:23:55,401 --> 00:23:57,869
I am different. When I'm with you, I
feel like a new man.

485
00:23:57,870 --> 00:23:59,310
You've got a new jacket, too?

486
00:23:59,890 --> 00:24:02,590
Yes, well, I got it this morning. And a
tie.

487
00:24:03,410 --> 00:24:05,030
Well, I think it's very romantic.

488
00:24:05,370 --> 00:24:07,780
You're going to drink champagne out of
my shoes.

489
00:24:33,219 --> 00:24:35,504
Thank you.

490
00:24:35,554 --> 00:24:40,104
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